International Day Of Action: communities response to sexual assault

Support ServicesLifeLine
telephone counselling (general) Ph: 131 114. Website: www.lifeline.org.au

Relationships Australia
Support groups and counselling on relationships, and for abusive and abused partners. Ph. 1300-364-277 or Vic (03) 9261-8700. Website: www.relationships.com.au
Sexual Assault and Domestic Violence Services:

NSW:NSW Rape Crisis Centre
Ph. (02) 9819-6565. Country Toll Free Ph. 1800-424-017. TTY: 9181 43 49. Website: www.nswrapecrisis.com.au

Domestic Violence Line
24hr telephone support and referral . Ph. 1800 656 463 or TTY: 1800671442 Website: See www.community.nsw.gov.au/ Dympna House.
For survivors of sexual abuse. Mon-Fri. Ph. 1800-654-119 or (02) 9797-6733.

Canberra Rape Crisis Centre
Sexual assault counselling (24 hr) Ph. 6247-2525

Service Assisting Male Survivors of Sexual Assault (SAMSSA) Canberra
Provides support, information and referral for men who have experienced sexual assault.
Ph. 02 6262 7377; Email samssa@effect.net.au; Website: www.samssa.org.au

Thunder Collective www.myspace.com/thundercollective 

Vic:

Women’s Domestic Violence Crisis Service of Victoria (24 hour crisis support)
Crisis telephone support, information about options and developing a safety plan, referral to safe accommodation (refuge) for women experiencing abuse in their relationships. 24 hrs.
Ph. 9373-0123, or country toll free : Ph. 1800 015 188

Centre Against Sexual Assault (CASA) VIC
Crisis support, counselling, information for people who have been sexually assaulted as adults or as children. There are Centres Against Sexual Assault in regions across Victoria - see http://www.casa.org.au/
Ph. 1800 806292 (24 hours) for immediate support and to find your local CASA

Women’s Information and Referral Exchange (WIRE). Melbourne
Information, support and referral for women.
Phone service: 9am - 5pm Mon-Fri Ph. 1300-134-130. TTY: 13-36 77. Women’s Information Centre open: 210 Lonsdale St, Melbourne, 10:30am to 5pm Monday to Friday. Website: www.wire.org.au

World Without Sexual Assault website: has information, resources including some of the zines referred to in this zine, etc: www.worldwithout.org 

Northern Territory:Domestic Violence Counselling Service
Darwin, 9-5 Mon-Fri Ph. (0 8945-6200. Alice Springs Ph. (0 8952 6048.

Dawn House
Crisis accomodation and support services for women with children escaping domestic violence.
(0 8945 1388 (24 hrs).

Ruby Gaea House
Sexual assault counselling service
Mon-Fri 8.30-5.
Ph. (0 8945-0155

Crisis Line
General and domestic violence crisis counselling (24hr)
Ph. 1800 019 116

Sexual Assault Referral Centre
Counselling, support, information, & 24 hr crisis care for recent sexual assault.
Darwin: Ph. (0 89 227 156 (24hr). For sexual assault services in other areas of NT see website: www.nt.gov.au (sarc services). 

QLD:

Domestic Violence Telephone Service - DV Connect Womensline
Ph. 1800 811 811 or TTY: 1800 812-225 1800 811 811 crisis counselling and safe refuge - 24 hours, 7 days a week. www.dvconnect.org

DV Connect Mensline
Ph. 1800 600 636 counselling, support, information - 7am - midnight, 7 days a week.
Website: www.dvconnect.org

Brisbane Rape & Incest Survivors Support Centre
Ph. (07) 3391-0004, Website: www.brissc.com.au

Statewide Sexual Assault Helpline
Ph. 1800-010 120 (24 hrs). Website: on www.health.qld.gov.au site.

Zig Zag Young Women’s Resource
Brisbane, Mon-Fri 9-5. Ph. (07) 3843-1823. Website: www.zigzag.org.au

South Australia:

Domestic Violence Helpline
Ph. 1800 800 098 (24 hours) . Counselling for victims of domestic violence and their concerned friends. Counselling for people who commit domestic violence. Website: on www.ucwadel.org.au/domesticviolence/

Domestic Violence Crisis Service
Crisis counselling, support, referral to safe accommodation. Ph. 1300 782 200 (24 hours). After hours Crisis Care ph. 131 611.

Crisis Care
After hours crisis support (violence and abuse, suicide, child protection etc). 4pm-9am plus weekends & public hols. Ph. 131 611.

Yarrow Place
Rape & sexual assault service (24 hr)
Ph. (0 8226-8777 or Toll Free: 1800-817-421 After Hours: (0 8226-8787. Website: on www.wch.sa.gov.au 

Tasmania:

Domestic Violence Crisis Service
Mon-Fri 9am-Midnight, weekends 4pm-midnight.
Ph. (03) 6233 2529 or 1800 633 937 (North),
1800 608 122 (Statewide).

Sexual Assault Support Services
Telephone and face to face counselling
Hobart & Southern: Ph. (03) 6231 1811 (24hr - after hours (03) 6231-1817). Website: www.sass.org.au. Launceston: Ph. (03) 6334-2740. Nth West: Ph. (03) 6431 9711.

SHE (Support, Help & Empowerment)
Telephone & face-face counselling for women affected by abusive relationships. Ph. (03) 6278-9090 (Hobart). Website: www.she.org.au

Yemaya:

Women’s Support Service
Counselling & support for women who have experienced abusive relationships (Launceston) Ph. 03-6334-0305.  

Western Australia:

Women’s Council for Domestic & Family Violence Services WA
Telephone support, referral to safe accommodation
Admin: 9:30 – 2:30 Mon-Fri. Ph (0 9420 7264
Website: www.womenscouncil.com.au

Women’s Domestic Violence Helpline
Information, referral and telephone counselling. Ph. (0 9223 1188 or 1800 007 339 (24 hours)

Men’s Domestic Violence Helpline
Information, referral and telephone counselling. Ph. 9223 1199 or 1800 000 599 (24 hours)

Crisis Care Unit
24hr crisis support (violence, child protection, suicide, etc). Ph. (0 9325-1111 or 1800 199-008. TTY: (0 9325-1232

Sexual Assault & Referral Centre
Telephone and face to face counselling, female doctors
24hrs. Ph. (0 9340-1828 or 9340-1820 or country callers Ph. 1800 199-888

a good list of zines to do with community response to sexual assault. some of them are available on the www.worldwithout.org website, and more will be put up in the coming months. otherwise, you  can email to find out where to get the zines.

DEFINING A RAPE CULTURE

http://pubweb.ucdavis.edu/Documents/RPEP/rculture.htm

This section will more closely examine the social and cultural conditions that intensify or perpetuate rape. The causes and reasons for rape are deeply entrenched in our social structure. Up to this point, we have explored some of the motivations and circumstances which lead men to rape. We have learned that men rape out of anger and a need to overpower, dominate, and humiliate. We have also looked at some of the historical attitudes from which today’s beliefs and stereotypes have evolved. However, we must look beyond both rapists’ motivations and history if we are to truly understand the act of rape.

Why does rape exist? What causes rape? What is it about our society that makes rape one of the fastest growing violent crimes in this country? Rape prevention techniques are very important in decreasing the vulnerability of individuals, but in order to eliminate-the occurrence of rape from our society, we must first examine its causes more deeply so that we can take collective action. We must understand the sociology of rape in order to effectively work towards the elimination of it.

Despite the necessity for rape prevention, it is, to some degree, like applying a “band-aid” on the problem. The underlying reasons and causes for rape must be defined, examined and resolved or rape will not cease. Rape Prevention must focus on eliminating the conditions in society which make women easy targets for rape. Victim control or rapist control alone are not effective. Victim control teaches women to avoid rape, but doesn’t reduce the threat of rape. Furthermore, rape cannot always be avoided, no matter what precautions the woman takes. It also puts part of the responsibility and blame for rape on the victim. Rapist control confuses prosecutions with prevention. There is little evidence that punishment serves as a deterrent. Besides, very few rapist are ever incarcerated.

            From very early ages, men and women are conditioned to accept different roles. Women are raised to be passive and men are raised to be aggressive. We are conditioned to accept certain attitudes, values and behaviors. Our conditioning is continuously and relentlessly encouraged and reinforced by the popular media, cultural attitudes and the educational system. The media is a major contributor to gender-based attitudes and values. The media provides women with a complete list of behaviors that precipitate rape. Social training about what is proper and ladylike, as well as what is powerful and macho, teaches women to be victims and men to be aggressors. The high incidence of rape in this country is a result of the power imbalance between men and women. Women are expected to assume a subordinate relationship to men. Consequently, rape can be seen as a logical extension of the typical interactions between women and men. One way to analyze the power relationship between men and women is by examining some of the

common social rules women are taught.

RULE #1: When spoken to, a woman must acknowledge the other person with a gracious smile. Smiling and acknowledging almost any approach has become reflexive. for a potential rapist, this can serve as a “pretest” to determine how compliant a woman will be. Because women do not usually consider the option of ignoring an unwanted approach, they are more vulnerable. There are many reasons why women feel compelled to acknowledge someone they do not want to: peer group pressure; not wanting to hurt someone’s feelings; women’s lack of experience in acting on their own intuition about danger. The key to changing this comes in evaluating each approach as it comes and using your own feelings and needs as the main criteria for responding.

RULE #2: Women must answer questions asked of them.

In our culture, one of the rudest things a person can do is not answer a direct question. In social situations preceding rape, the man often puts the burden of rejection on the woman by asking questions such as, “What’s wrong with you, don’t you like me?” or, “What’s wrong with you, don’t you like men?” a woman often compensates for hurting the man’s feelings by complying with his demands. It is important to consider each question you are asked against your own wishes at the moment.

RULE #3: Women must not bother other people or make a scene because they are uncomfortable.

Generally speaking, it is not ladylike to bother anyone at any time. Women are not

expected to intrude at any time, but rather, to be ready to help others at all times. When women scream for help, no one is willing to get involved. we have learned that yelling “FIRE” is much more effective than yelling “RAPE” or “HELP”. Women are reluctant to draw attention to themselves, especially if in a place, such as a party, bar, or dance. The solution is to solicit the help of others if a direct statement of “stop” is not heeded.

RULE #4: When in trouble, it is best to defer to the protection and judgment of men.

There are two flaws with this rule: l) it is men who endanger or bother women

2) there are not always trustworthy men around to protect women.

Women must take the problem of victimization into their own hands; support and protect each other by being together, watching out for each other and understanding what it is like to be at the mercy of men.

RULE #5: Causal touching or suggestive comments in social settings are meant as a tribute to a woman’s desirability.

Many women believe that being ogled by a group of construction workers is nothing more than a form of praise. Many sexual assaults, however, begin with a “harmless” compliment or inquiry from a rapist. His comments are a way of testing how accommodating the woman might be. The lack of clarity about what constitutes insulting behavior and the learned ambivalence women have about unwanted approaches makes them vulnerable to sexual assault.

RULE #6: It is the natural state of affairs for men to carry the financial burden of social situations.

This rule is losing some of its strength as more women are now paying their own way. This is still a popular rationale for men to justify demanding sex. The autonomy and self respect that come with not always allowing an escort to pay is important in reacting to potentially dangerous situations.

RULE #7: When engaged in a social encounter, it is not proper for a woman to superior in any game, sport or discussion, if she wants to be accepted. It has been held that beating a man at games, be it pool, tennis, scrabble, or monopoly will hurt a man’s pride and decrease his interest. It follows that if women are never allowed to win at anything with a man, it is expecting a great deal to ask a woman to effectively cope with a man who is trying to rape her. The danger in this is having a mind set that trivializes our own resources and talents in deference to a man’s. This ridiculous unwritten rule of expected passivity needs to be recognized and eradicated in order for women to know they are capable of defending themselves.

RULE #8: Women should always accept and trust the kindness of strangers if they offer help.

Women tend to trust people who approach them or offer help. Unfortunately, the ploy of, “I’m helping you for your own good, you obviously need it,” is used by potential rapists who have planned the crime in advance. The problem for women is that there is no way of knowing whether an overture of assistance is genuine or not. therefore, it is best to limit the times where you might be in genuine need of help. Women must learn to scrutinize such “shoulds” more closely. Each individual woman must reexamine society’s expectations of her. Once women have evaluated these rules of social behavior, they can create their own guidelines instead of adhering to, however unconsciously, these socially prescribed rules. The next step involves examining each situation as it arises. Understanding a potentially dangerous situation before one finds oneself in the midst of it will make it much easier to act in a definitive, effective way. The time to reevaluate the need to accept help from strangers is not after the fact: not after he has pushed you into your front door after having helped you with your packages. The time to reevaluate is before the situation occurs. In order to accomplish this, it is important for women to respect themselves, and know they are worthwhile. Women have basic rights. When a woman really values herself, she is less likely to find herself in a situation where she can be used or misused. This is not to say that women who find themselves in dangerous situations are at fault or do not value themselves, but rather that women can reduce their vulnerability by cultivating assertive behavior and by thinking about potentially dangerous situations in advance.

Women’s vulnerability to rape is a result of their subordinate relationship to men. The set of beliefs and attitudes that divide people into classes by sex and justify one sex’s superiority is called sexism. There are a number of sexist dictates that serve to maintain this subordinate relationship:

1. Women’s status in society: Women occupy a relatively powerless position in society and are the recipients of fewer advantages and privileges. Men’s benefits are built into a patriarchal system.

2. Rape as a means of control over women: Rape plays a role in maintaining patriarchy byperpetrating the threat of violence. The acts of just a few violent men can terrorize all women and can control women’s lives. The indifference of other men reinforces this effect.

3. Women’s dependence on men: Many women receive most of their benefits through men rather than through their own ability. This dependence is reinforced by the cultural belief that dependence is a “womanly” trait. Women are dependent on men for political representation, economic support, social position and psychological approval.

A strategy for eliminating women’s vulnerability to rape involves altering the power

relationship between women and men. Women’s vulnerability will not end with individual change alone; there will have to be social change as well. The whole assumption of male superiority will have to be negated. Rape must be viewed as a political issue, because it keeps women powerless and reinforces the status quo of male domination.

The socialization of women must be changed. Society trains females to be physically and emotionally unequipped to respond effectively to danger. Training begins at an early age. Boys and girls are channeled into different physical activities, because of the believed differences in physical and muscular development and stamina. Consequently, as adults, females are unable to gauge both their own bodies’ resistance to injury, and their own strength and power. Learning selfdefense in schools and on the job would be a step towards alleviating women’s vulnerability, as would providing girls and women with equal opportunities and encouragement to engage in sports. The emotional training women receive also contributes to their inability to successfully fight back. Women learn to be passive, gentle, nurturing, accepting and complient. Rapists select victims they can intimidate and overpower. Most women are reluctant to challenge men’s offensive behavior because of their emotional training and conditioning (i.e., it is not proper to “make a scene.”)

In addition, women tend to have an aversion to violence. It must be recognized that non violence is no longer a virtue if it serves to maintain victimization. There is a difference between becoming a violent person and responding to violence in an appropriate and assertive manner. Women are not being encouraged to become violent individuals or to sanction violence, but rather to learn the skills to combat violent assaults against their persons. Unfortunately, many women see themselves as powerless victims. Women can cultivate a confident and competent image. They need to learn direct and appropriate responses which reflect a seriousness about their refusal to be intimidated. Confrontation training helps women learn how to respond to men’s suggestive and rude comments effectively.

Women are also kept vulnerable through their isolation from each other. Women are

socialized to compete with each other for the attention of men and to mistrust each other.

Collective strategies to eliminate rape must be utilized. Competition and mistrust are not conducive to collective strategizing among women. Women must learn to see other women as sources of aid and to work together to decrease the vulnerability of all women. It is important that women not blame themselves for the conditioning that has resulted in isolation. Frequently, women psychologically distance themselves from the issue of rape and from each other by adopting the attitude that, “It can’t happen to me,” or that, “Only immoral women are raped.” Community isolation also exists. Women within a community do not use and sometimes do not even see each other as resources. There are many factors which enforce the belief that “a woman’s place is in the home.” Consequently, women tend to be displaced from the mainstream of community action and decision making.

In order to deal with the problem of isolation, it is important to recognize and use the

power of numbers. Women might develop ad-hoc committees, confrontation groups and support groups. More effective defenses can be planned by sharing common experiences and reactions to rape. Consciousness raising groups can work to identify and overcome sexist and racist attitudes. Through analysis of common problems, women can come to trust each other and recognize the effectiveness of their collective strength. Women can work in their neighborhoods to command public attention to their safety needs.

A few awareness strategies that can be employed in neighborhoods are:

1. Organizing meetings and educational programs

2. Block organizing (small groups to meet to discuss safety and planning to organize

neighborhood)

3. Neighborhood lobbying (i.e. letter writing)

4. Whistle alert (Whistle sounded for help)

5. Shelter houses (women in neighborhood make their homes available for temporary refuge)

6. Watch programs (patrol programs, with assistance of experienced community organizers)

7. Lobbying for preventive education to be included in the public school curriculum

8. Take Back The Night March (symbolically supporting women’s right to walk at night.

In essence, attention must be drawn to the focus of rape. Rape must be viewed as a political issue, not just another crime or mental health problem. It must be seen as an issue which affects all women. However, rape is not just a women’s problem–it is a community problem.   

Sue Rochman Silent VictimsBring Male Rape Out of the Closet

Men Raping Men - It’s a violent crime that affects straight men as much as gay men. There is terror, both during and after the attack. Fear of death is matched only by fear of being stigmatized as a male rape victim. It is a statistically silent crime, but the numbers are growing.According to the U.S. Bureau of Justice’s National CrimeSurvey, released in 1991, there are approximately 168,000 rapes annually in the United States. Of that number, 13,000 rapesinvolve male victims. And their assailants are almost always othermen.Kaylan Fredriks, 24, was gang-raped by three men on June 2 in  Volunteere Park in Seattle. As he was leaving what is known asSeattle’s gay park, he was grabbed from behind by the men. “Thenext thing I knew, there was a hand over my mouth, and I wasdragged into the bushes,” recalls Fredriks. “The broke a bottle onmy leg and were cutting up my clothes and men.” He was forced toperform oral sex and all of the men and was raped by one of them.“The whole time there were verbally abusive, talking dirty,telling me how much I liked it,” says Fredriks.Found unconscious and bleeding. Fredriks was brought to anearby hospital. “The first police officer I spoke to at thehospital I didn’t feel would understand me,” he says, “so Irequested another one. The second officer was very understanding.He help saying, ‘Son, it wasn’t your fault.’”Although he has felt supported by his friends and spoke witha male counselor from Seattle Rape Relief, Fredriks says that whatwould really help gay men would be a support group for male rapevictims. “I get depressed, and there are times when I feel scaredjust to go out of the house,” says Fredriks. “Sometimes I can’tsleep because of it, and it makes me more angry that there is nogroup to go to.”Another rape victim remembers his attack ten years ago thoughit happened yesterday: “I was waiting at the bus station in NewYork City,” recalls Ross, who requested that his last name not beused, “and this guy cruised me and picked me up and offered me aplace to stay. I was 19 and just starting to come out. He didn’tmention sex, but I was hoping for it and scared of it at the sametime.“He started to touch me, and that was fine,” Ross says, “butthem without warning he started to fuck me. And when I said no andthat I hadn’t done this before, he said I was lying. I wasterrified. And it was confusing because I had wanted sex but thiswas not what I wanted. I just went into this numbed out space, andthen it was over. What was clear to me was that he was going to doit, that I had no say. I didn’t feel like I had my own will or egoor anything. I felt like I was his.”It was years before Ross told anyone about the rape. “Youjust don’t hear men talk about rape,” he explains. “The idea isthat it doesn’t happen to men.”But it does.“The whole problem around the sexual assault of men is that alot of people don’t think that it can happen,” says NaomiLichtenstein, director of client services for the New York CityGay and Lesbian Anti-Violence Project.Mike used to believe that as well. A Los Angeles-basedwriter, he was raped eight years ago when he was a student livingin New York City. “I met this very cute, normal-looking guy on acorner near a gay bar,” recalls Mike (a pseudonym), “and we endedup taking a cab back to my apartment. We were hanging out in thekitchen, and I had my back to him. When I turned around, I sawthat he had grabbed a large kitchen knife. He looked at me andsaid, ‘If you move, you’re dead.’“He made me get undressed and then tied up my arms and legswith a towel,” continues Mike. “The whole time he verbally abusedme, saying things like ‘You fucking faggot.’ Then he anally raped me.” 

AN ACT OF VIOLENCE

Since rape is commonly thought of as a sexual rather than aviolent act, many people don’t think of men as potential rapevictims, counselors say. But Dr. A. Nicholas Groth, a clinicalpsychologist and author of Men Who Rape: The Psychology of theOffender, says sexual desire or deprivation is not the primarymotivating force behind sexual assault. “Sexual assault is thesexual expression of aggression, not the aggressive expression ofsexuality,” Groth explains. “It is not about sexual gratification.When a sexual assault happens, it is not because a man is sexuallyfrustrated. What we are talking about is a man using somebody elseas a means of saying ‘I’m the one in control.’ The definingelement in rape is coercion as opposed to consent.”According to the New York City Gay and Lesbian Anti-ViolenceProject, most rapists and their victims are heterosexual. YetRichie J. McMullen, author of Male Rape: Breaking the Silence onthe Last Taboo, notes that articles frequently refer to male rapeas homosexual rape, perpetuating the myth that rape is about sexand that it is only gay men who rape other men.“Another insidious myth is that all men who are raped are gayor want to be gay,” explains Lichtenstein. “But sexual assault hasnothing to do with sexual orientation. We have to separate outsexual orientation from sexual violence. And one does not causethe other in either direction.”Although women are more frequently the targets of rape, somemen only rape men and other rape both women and men. Groth recallsone man incarcerated for rape who said to him, “At the time Icouldn’t tell you what the victim looked like. It wouldn’t havemattered if they were attractive or unattractive, male or female,and adult of a child. It was just who was accessible to me at themoment.” 

AN UNREPORTED CRIME

Statistics maintained at police stations, district attorney’soffices, and national programs are often compiled according to thetype of crime, not the gender of the victim. But even if suchstatistics existed, rape crisis counselors believe that they wouldvastly underrepresent the actual number of men who are raped.Studies have shown that approximately 50% of all women whohave been raped have never told friends or family members aboutthe assault, and it is estimated that only one in 50 women whohave been raped reports the crime to the police. For men, rapes ofunderreporting are believed to be even higher.Almost all the men who have contacted the New York City Gayand Lesbian Anti-Violence Project have chosen not to report to thepolice, says Lichtenstein. “It is too complicated and too scary todeal with all the stigma and backlash,” she explains. “Most menjust want to keep it private.”Mike didn’t call a crisis line or file a police report. “Iwas too embarrassed,” he says. “I didn’t think they would catchhim. And I didn’t want to deal with judgment form the cops.”The sexual orientation of the victim may also influencewhether or not he files a police report. Groth says,

“For gay menwho have chosen to keep their sexuality private, it can be verydifficult to disclose a rape, especially if the assault occurswithin the context of looking for some type of sexual contact of aconsenting nature.“Victims in general aren’t treated kindly by our society,” hecontinues, “and it is more complicated for the person who is gay,because you are going to be talking to a male-dominated [policeand legal] system. In our society there are victims who are seenas deserving of help and those who aren’t. So, if a straight manis assaulted, that may be seen as a more serious thing than if theperson is gay. If he is gay, the attitude might be ‘Well, heprobably liked it.’

“Statistics from agencies that provide rape counseling varythroughout the country. In 1990 the San Francisco Rape TreatmentCenter say 528 clients; 9.8% were men. In Boston, of the 250people seen each year at Beth Israel Hospitals’ rape crisisprogram, about 10% are men. And the New York City Gay and LesbianAnti-Violence Project receives about four calls a month form menwho have been raped. But counselors stress that these statisticsreflect men’s fear of telling anyone, even a crisis counselor,about a rape. “There is an additional layer of pressure for menthat doesn’t exist for women due to stereotypes and assumptionsabout male rape,” says Denise Synder, executive director of theWashington D.C. Rape Crisis Center.Many rapes - most all of which remain unreported - occur inchildhood. At the age of 14, Martin (who has asked that his realname not be used) was raped by his foster brother, Danny, as theywalked through the woods between their home and a nearby shoppingcenter. “Danny was two years older than me,” recalls Martin, “andweighed twice as much. He said he would hurt me physically if Idid not do what he told me to do. I was terrified. My onlyalternative was to comply with his demands, hoping to get out ofthere alive. Danny told me that if I told anyone, he would killme.”It was years before Martin told anyone about what hadhappened that afternoon. “For 12 years,” he says,” I kept Danny’s’secret’ a secret. But I also just about lost all desire to evenlive. I could never get the assault out of my mind. It still feltlike it just happened.” DENYING THE PROBLEMThe New York City Gay and Lesbian Anti-Violence Project hasreceived a number of calls from men who have been raped by someonethey men in a bar. This type of rape, now commonly referred to asdate or acquaintance rape, is rarely addressed within the gaycommunity. “What nobody seems to understand about rape is that ifyou say no, you mean no,” says Lichtenstein.When most people think about male rape, they think aboutprisons and jails, counselors say. Groth explains, “People thinkthat men who go to prison are going to get sexually frustratedbecause they have no opportunity for consenting sex. Yet what theydon’t look at is that people who engage in consenting sexualencounters, and they could masturbate or, in some states, takepark in conjugal visits.” Rape in prison, he explains, happens forthe same reasons as does rape on the outside: It is an act ofpower and control and sometimes one of retaliation or revenge.But like other victims, prisoners are not very likely toreport the crime. Stephen Donaldson, president of People Organizedto Stop Rape of Incarcerated Persons, and national education andadvocacy group, reports that a 1982 study of a California mediumsecurity prison revealed that 14% of all prisoners there had beensexually assaulted while in prison.A jail protocol for victims of sexual assault, published bythe San Francisco Department of Health, calls jail rapes“frequent,” adding that the exact number is “difficult todetermine.”“Victims do not report for fear of retaliation or are ashamedto tell other people,” the report says. “Only a fraction of thevictims utilize jail services after the assault. For each casethat is reported or otherwise discovered, one can assume that manymore go unreported.” 

LEGAL ISSUES

Although counselors generally use the term rape to describe male sexual assault, legal definitions vary from state to state.McMullen argues that part of the disbelief and silence around malerape can be attributed to confusion over legal terminology. Inmany states, the work rape is used only to define a forced act ofvaginal sexual intercourse; an act of forced alan intercourse istermed sodomy. In Georgia, for example, rape is defined as“forcible penetration of the female sex organ by the male sexorgan.” Oral sexual contact and anal intercourse are both termedsodomy - whether aggravated )forced) or consensual - and both areagainst the law. The penalty for forced sodomy is a life sentenceor up to 20 years in prison; the penalty for consensual sodomy isnearly as severe - no life sentence but still up to 20 years inprison.There are some states, however, that now employ genderneutral terms to define acts of forced anal or vaginalintercourse. In New Jersey, the terms rape and sodomy are nolonger used. Regardless of whether the victim is a man or a woman,all sex crimes are covered under four legal categories: aggravatedsexual assault, sexual assault, aggravated criminal sexualcontact, and criminal sexual contact.Marissa Batt, special assistant for the Los Angeles districtattorney, says that even though they don’t see many male rapecases, she doesn’t believe that the legal definitions are thereason that men don’t report the crime. Sodomy and rape are twospecific acts, she says,and the penal code reflects thatspecificity. “The names are different,” she explains, “but thesentencing is identical.”But not all district attorneys agree. Linda Fairstein, chiefof Manhattan’s Sex Crime Unit and deputy chief of Manhattan’sTrial Division, says that in New York State, lobby has gone on fora number of years to make the laws more gender-neutral, and it isa change that she would like to see occur. “While the issue may besemantics,” she contends, ” if it is important to the victim, thenit is important.”“I encourage reporting by male survivors,” continuesFairstein, “because I think that there are a lot more services inplace now for male survivors and because the prosecution is mucheasier than one might think it would be. I haven’t found judges[in Manhattan] to treat male rape victims differently than femalerape victims.”When Batt prosecuted a male rape case in Los Angeles a fewyears ago, however, this was not the case. The two men had met ina gay bar and went back to the one man’s apartment, where the rapehappened. “When the case was investigated, it was found that thedefendant has assaulted other men as well,” Batt recalls. “Butthese other men were all too embarrassed to come forward aswitnesses. I think this one victim’s serious physical injuriesencouraged him to go ahead with the charges. But because he wastoo mortified to testify in front of a jury, I waived my right toa jury trial.“The judge was really homophobia,” she remembers. “He saidthinks like ‘If it had been a woman, it wouldn’t have been aproblem. But because it was a man…’ And he wouldn’t convict onany of the charges.”Peter Kling, assistant district attorney in the San FranciscoSex Crimes Unit, notes that while it might be easier to prosecutea male sexual assault case in San Francisco than in other cities,there are factors that could influence the jury’s verdict. “If thevictim is physically a large person,” Kling says, “and larger thanyour suspect and there is no weapon involved, there might beproblems overcoming a juror’s ingrained belief that the victimcould have physically overpower his assailant. It might make itharder to prove that there wasn’t consent.” 

AFTEREFFECTS

Rape victims not only have to confront unsympathetic attitudes ifthey choose to press charges, but they often hear unsupportivestatements from their friends as well, counselors say. “Peoplewill fault the victim instead oft he perpetrator, saying thinkslike ‘If you lived a different type of life or if you weren’tlooking for something, this wouldn’t have happened to you,;”explains Groth.Furthermore, male victims commonly blame themselves for therape, believing that they in some way gave permission to theassailant. “In some ways I felt like I had set myself up,” Mikesays. “I picked up this guy on a known hustlers corner. I shouldhave expected something might happen to me, even if the rapewasn’t really my fault.”Some men may believe they were not raped or that they gaveconsent because they became sexually aroused, had an erection, orejaculated. But explains Donaldson, ejaculation is oftenmisidentified as orgasm, erection is not always within consciouscontrol, and sexual arousal does not always mean there wasconsent. “A lot of rapists,” he says, “will manipulate thegenitals of their victims precisely to get the impression acrossthat you really did enjoy it.”According to Groth, some offenders may try to get the victimto ejaculate because is “symbolizes the assailant’s ultimate andcomplete sexual control over his victims’s body and confirms hisfantasy that the victim really wanted and enjoyed the rape.

“The experience of a rape may affect gay and straight mendifferently. Gay men may have difficulties in their sexual andemotional relationships with other men and think that the assaultoccurred because they are gay, whereas straight men often begin toquestion their sexual identity, rape crisis counselors say.“Within the context of a homophobic society, straight men seem tobe much more likely to be disturbed by the sexual aspect of theassault than the aggressive aspect,” Groth says.Sylvia Solorzano, a counselor at the San Francisco RapeTreatment Center, underscores this point, saying, “Since mostpeople associate rape with women, it is hard for men to identifythemselves as rape victims and get the appropriate support,understanding, and assistance they need.”

Even when they do seek medical care, male rape victims arehesitant to say that they were sexually assaulted. VeronicaRyback, director of the rape crisis program at Boston’s BethIsrael Hospital, says that it is not uncommon for a man to comeinto the emergency room but not tell hospital staff that he hasbeen sexually assaulted. “It is only after we do a physical examand note where the injuries are that we know what has happened,”Ryback says.Ross says, “I felt that if I called a rape crisis program, Iwouldn’t be taken seriously. Men are always supposed to be incontrol and be powerful. And you’re not supposed to talk aboutsituations like this where you are powerless. It’s like admittingyou are less of a man because this happened.”Mike says that although he hasn’t told many people, thosefriends and family members who do know have been very supportive.But he never through to call a crisis line. “At that time I didn’tthink that there was anyone to talk to,” he explains. “I had neverseen rape crisis services advertised for men. I didn’t go for helpbecause I didn’t know that it existed. Now I’d probably do itdifferently.”Rape crisis counselors stress that although women are theprimary focus of their programs, their services are for male rapesurvivors as well. Jo Thompson, a counselor for the YWCA of CobbCounty [Ga.] Rape Crisis Center also provides education to thecommunity. “When I describe our services, I say we providecounseling for men,” she says. “And I make sure when I’m talkingnot to use the pronoun she for the rape victim.” Yet she notesthat their agency’s literature doesn’t specifically mentionservices for men. “But we probably should,” she admits. “We mightget more men to call.”Of the six men who have called Thompson in the past year,none of come in for counseling. “All these men were in a lot ofpain,” she recalls. “It was so difficult for them just to call.They didn’t even want to give their names. At first, some wonderedif I would believe them, and they made references to that. And bythe end, they did realize that I believed them. But there wasstill a stigma about coming to the center.”Some crisis programs, including the Cobb County Rape CrisisCenter and the Orange County [Calif.] Sexual Assault Network(OCSAN), have male rape crisis counselors available 24 hours aday. Everyone who calls OCSAN for counseling is asked if theywould prefer to speak to a man or a woman, say Teresa Lu, directorof volunteers at OCSAN. But most rape programs are staffed bywomen, and Lu believes OCSAN is the only program in SouthernCalifornia that has male counselors. Whether or not they have malestaff on call, all crisis centers can make referrals to malecounselors. Yet according to Thompson, most men prefer to talk toa woman. “They were raped by a man, and because of the shame, theydidn’t want another man to know,” she explains.Nonetheless, Donaldson contends that to make men comfortablewith using these programs, “we need to get the work out to thepublic that men get raped.” Programs geared specifically to menare needed, he stressed, and these won’t exist until the realityof male rape becomes a fact of public knowledge. “Withouteducation, the whole question of male rape will remain buried.”Five years ago, Martin entered a counseling program forsexual assault survivors. And now, to help other men who feel thatthere is no one to turn to, Martin is starting a computer bulletinboard for rape survivors. Although the bulletin board will haveinformation for both women and men about sexual assault serviceproviders throughout the nation, Martin’s main goal is to getother men the help they need. “More men are starting to talk aboutsexual assault,” he says. “The number of men who have beensexually assaulted is high, but their egos keep them fromreceiving treatment.”Martin hopes to have the bulletin board and a toll-freenumber for those without a computer running by September. And, hesays, the system will be set up so that survivors can talk on thebulletin board to other survivors. “This project is the biggestand most important think that I have done in my life,” saysMartin. “It is not easy to live with the pain he caused me. ButI’m trying.”      

 RESOURCE LIST  

There are organizations throughout the country that providecounseling for men and women who have been raped or sexuallyassaulted. To find a center in your area that can provide you orsomeone you know with free, confidential rape counseling, look inyour phone book under Rape, or contact any counseling center. Notall rape crisis centers have male counselors staffing their 24hour crisis lines, but they are interested in assisting men whohave been raped or sexually assaulted and can refer you to a malecounselor sensitive to the needs of male sexual assault survivors.Information about Martin’s computer bulletin board network will bedistributed to rape crisis programs throughout the country. Men Who Rape: The Psychology of the Offenderby A. Nicholas GrothDa Capo Press, $22.50, hardcover Male Rape: Breaking the Silence on the Last Tabooby Richie J. McMullenAlyson Publications, $18.95, softcover Recovery: How to Survive a Sexual Assaultby Helen Benedict(out of print but available in libraries)  Return to InteractiveTheatre.org

Taking The First Step: Suggestions To People Called Out For Abusive Behavior

by wispy cockles
(originally published in the Jan/Feb issue of Clamor Magazine)

Introduction

What you see before you is a work in a progress and will likely remain so. I write this to encourage dialogue and to provide a resource to people dealing with difficult situations. I do not write this to provide answers to every situation where someone is accused of abuse. Every situation will have unique characteristics that require unique responses and courses of action. What I hope is that this will spark a dialogue about how people accused of rape or abuse or sexual assault should conduct themselves regardless of their feelings of guilt or innocence. As radical communities we need to have extensive dialogue about how to deal with abusive behaviour, and this is one current within that dialogue. We should ask ourselves many questions. What responsibilities does the accused have to upholding a “process of accountability” regardless of their feelings of guilt or innocence? As survivors and communities how do we hold abusers responsible? How do we create strong communities that are ready to deal with difficult and controversial situations without factionalizing or falling apart? Is it a priority to determine “guilt” or “innocence” or is it a priority to create processes that demand accountability and deconstruct privilege? There are some aspects of the ten suggestions I would like to explain first and foremost. We find ourselves in a world where the overwhelming amount of abuse occurs with men preying on women. It is a patriarchal phenomena. In this document I have used the gender neutral term s/he. I wish for survivors that fall outside of the male=assailant/female=survivor model to have visibility. I wish to speak to all abusers regardless of their gender. It is not an attempt to cloak the fact that abuse is largely perpetuated by men against women. Also in this document I do address people who feel that they have been falsely accused of whatever they’ve been accused of doing. My reason for doing this is mainly, because people who are in denial need to be spoken to, and they need to be held to standards of conduct that support an atmosphere that challenges privilege and oppression. It goes without saying that in the majority of instances when people are called out for abuse it is because, in fact, they abused the person(s). However, there exist a minority of instances in which people are falsely accused of things. This writing comes from the context of my own experience of dealing with accusations of sexually coercive behaviour. Accusations which were later revealed, by the person my accusers had pegged to be the “survivor”, to have no validity. However, there were a good three months where, due to miscommunication and misunderstanding*, I honestly believed I was being accused by someone of manipulative and sexually coercive behaviour. I did a lot of self investigation and soul searching. Luckily, I had some great people to help me process through my conflicting feeling surrounding dealing with these very frightening accusations of abuse. This is my way of giving back to all those who gave so much to me, and to a radical community which inspires me. It is a product of a very real, very intense lived experience facing accusations of abuse, and the reflection that followed. I would like to say, in my opinion, that false accusations of